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Hello again,

Well this week I am swamped with work! Do you hear me swamped! First, I have to write a paper tonight for my music appreciation class where i have to interview a musician. Well, my good friend is a street performer so I'm good with that. Then, I have to fix a friends paper because her English is not good. This friend irked me a little because it seems whenever she got a paper, she comes to me for help and she basically wants me to do it for her. WTH? So me being the poor sap that I am, I agreed to it. Then, I have three papers for another class. That is due next week. So I have to get started on those. Typing the paper is not the issue, I need to get the actual work done lol. AHHHHHHHH I want to scream! But, at least this keeps me busy! Also, I spent last weekend with Hector. We had a nice time! We got into a major argument where I was sleep and his friends were over and I thought I heard them making racial slurs and talking about betsy ( girl he use to fuck) I go so mad I stormed out of there. But, we talked it over and he invited me back over and we had a nice time. So, I texted him again about Betsey today! Even thou this girl is out the picture at least I think, I am still furious and to be honest I'm still threatened by her! I'm jealous still and hurt about the whole situation. He told me she was just a fuck. But, it's obvious I still have feelings for him. I even asked him about us getting back together since it will be a year in May since we broke up. He said he hasn't thought about it. What a jerk! Anyways, I talked to a psychic and she said his essence is in my spirit. I really wasn't expecting that but, I can't deny how I feel. But, I didn't know it was that deep. Honestly, I don't want anyone in my spirit except me! I tend to believe this psychic and she said its almost like a blockage being that, I can't move forward and accept new opportunities from other guys. She said there is going to be guys that are interested and one is going to be younger. I think I know who the younger guy is and I'm interested in him but not at a deep level. I shouldn't even really be looking for guys at all. But, I am lonely and bored! But, I should be using this time for improvement but, its obvious I'm not.

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Angelus
01:38 Apr 27 2011

invariably things arn't as bad as we think they will be.



[[and that.. from a manic depressive!]]

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Well I have to vent to get this off my chest because it angers me when it shouldn't. I feel that if you place an ad in the forum advertising for rates and add and especially if you mention that you would return the favor, you should actually do what you typed! There is a certain fellow I could name or not, that put up an ad stating just that! So, me being the good sport that I am rated and added his profile per his request. Then, I get an email stating the favor has been returned. When I check my dashboard not only have I not been added to his friends list but my profile was rated lower than what I gave him. Now if that was his true opinion regarding my profile so be it! But, when you say you will return the favor it should be just that! Not trying to be anal or a bitch but I expected people to honor what they say! So, I sent this young man and email explaining my position and kindly asked him to re-rate my profile. Not sure if he has logged in or not. That is not my concern! It's really aggravating and makes me not want to answer in the love me section if people are not going to honor what they say. In a court of law, this would insure the party is guilty and is called a breach of contract! So , just thought I would rant and get this off my chest. I know this is not the end of the world but, it bothered me enough to write about it to vent.

Well I haven't been feeling too well lately. It just seems like nothing is going my way! First, I am on Spring Break which is cool. It gives me a time to relax and think things over. Second, I might be moving in June. My dad bought a house and he wants me and my aunt to move in. More like obligatory and not want. I really don't want to as I am happy with my current living arrangements. He is buying a two flat house and I would be living on one floor and he on the other with his girlfriend. Now, that would make me feel like a kid again. I am a loner and nocturnal. I appreciate and enjoy my privacy. Another option is that my sister and her boyfriend move in and we become roommates at my current place. She said she's okay with it. We'll see what happens. I really don't like change but alas, change is constant and ever flowing. So, I decided to leave it up to the Cosmos and what ever happens happens. Also, been feeling like a loser lately. I mean it seems that just when I am trying to get my life together something comes along. I know I have total control over my life but I just feel low. I feel unattractive, and I'm paranoid about aging. I know it sounds silly but I don't want to age. Depression, stress and weight gain can do that to you. Poor me I guess. I got to get myself out of this slump. It takes time I know but time is of the essence. I met a new guy he seems nice. Still haven't heard from the last guy and I am still reeling from rejection and I feel self- conscious. This new guy says he likes me but we'll see how it goes. We text and talk everyday and he seems nice. However, I'm taking things really slow and I have no expectations. I don't want to get rejected again. But, I'm kinda hopeful.

Hi everyone,

Well that guy I told you about! We finally met! I mean when he got to my neighborhood I don't drive so I'm not good with directions so he had a hard time finding my place! Then when he did he parked all crazy and I couldn't see him. When we finally did meet up he looked like his pictures and everything. We went out to eat at this ghetto food place lol. I didn't know my pants were unzipped lol ha ha OMG it was so embarrassing. I wasn't feeling confident because first, I was having a bad hair day next, I don't have any fancy clothes to wear! I thought I was cool, calm and flirty. I mean I didn't do anything weird or put out any weird or scary vibes. It seemed like he was interested but I noticed he was doing the shifty eye thing. I didn't really thing anything of it at the time. We had good conversation and I carried myself well. Afterwards, he took me home and gave me a hug and tried to cop a feel lol. Then I texted him later and he told me i was cute and he wanted to see where it could go. Sounds good right? well guess what, after that, haven't heard from the guy. It's been two almost three days and nothing. I texted him no response. So i sent some nasty texts and blocked his number! I'm already a fragile girl and I don't need that crap! How does that make me feel? like a reject of course! I mean if he wasn't interested I wish he would have told me from the beginning so that way there would be no misunderstanding. But, people are rarely honest and there's always bullshit. I mean I was totally honest with the guy and my intentions were honest. I just hated being fucked with! Why do people bullshit others? anyways, I feel bad and I feel like I did something wrong but then I thought, hey I was the one honest and I did my best. It's his insecurity and bullshit so you know what? it's his loss. Doubt im going to ever hear from him again. But, all is not lost because I took the right actions so the sun will shine again. Also, I cut off hector also lol. seems like I always say that but i'm tired of the bullcrap. I told him im not a placeholder. A placeholder means holding the place until someone else comes along. I still have feelings for him and wanted to get back together but, it seems that's not going to happen. So im letting things go. I can't keep going on like that. Hopefully, this time everything sticks so I can finally move on.

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Enepsigos
23:25 Apr 04 2011

Honestly, he probably just wanted to meet you and see if you would put out. You didn't so he left and didn't look back. Good for you though. You don't need that crap.

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Seeker2112
23:36 Apr 04 2011

I think it's hilarious that when he said you were cute and that he wanted to see where it would go, and that after he didn't respond to your texts, you proceeded to let the crazy out of the bag. It sounds to me like maybe you look for rejection in every little thing and then overreact when something that resembles it, comes along.

He changed his mind, or whatever. It was one date. He wasn't disrespectful, he was just silent. You were the one who sent nasty texts. I'm sure you won't like my opinion and will find a million things that convince you that I'm an asshole as well, but you said you wanted the truth. I'm just telling you how it appears from a guy's perspective. Have a wonderful day. And never by a projector. You project just fine :D

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Seeker2112
23:49 Apr 04 2011

buy*, not by.

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